STORIES Stories from women who have experienced abusive relationships


I was once in an emotionally abusive relationship. He changed once we moved in together – before that I thought he was a really nice guy, but unfortunately his pattern of behavior changed. I hope that this stage of manipulation would pass and I certainly found out how naive I was.

The type that didn’t know the meaning of a little bit of privacy, always looking through my things, questioning my activities, questioning me about my past, consistently brought me down about my weight, compared me to his ex-wife, called me names and his actions made me feel wrong about everything.

He’d even ignore me as soon as he walked through the front door, not even a hello, – it was like I didn’t exist except when he wanted something.

Falling in love doesn’t mean the guy is right for you, because any form of abuse should be taken very seriously.

Eventually, I withdrew and kept everything to myself and I even started to get depressed, at one time I didn’t know who I was anymore.

How I coped

I learnt to speak my mind and pointed out to him I wouldn’t put up with this sort of abusive behaviour for too much longer. I took up activities to relax myself, going for a walks every day, meditation and talked to a close friend about it. Talking to someone else helped me cope because keeping it inside can do damage. Even speaking to a family member can work wonders.

How the situation changed

The situation changed once I decided to end the relationship and promised myself to never look back. I’m pleased to say we broke up, and once he found out I started a new relationship, he came knocking on my door asking for a second chance. He even proposed, saying he had changed, but I knew his past actions could be repeated and so I said no.

What helped me to get stronger

I made myself get stronger. I structured my pattern of thinking to not tolerate my partner’s manipulation and intimidation any longer. Writing my thoughts and feelings down on paper like a diary helped in the development of strength.

What I would say to someone who is being abused

Please, anyone out there presently in any form of abusive relationship, once a guy behaves in an abusive way more than a few times, it’s not just a mistake brought on by his own stresses, it’s what’s called character. Take that step and move on before it’s too late.

Such a decision can be hard but taking a positive step to free yourself is certainly worth it. You will need time to heal the hurt, but over time you will feel like yourself again. Make sure you go out with friends after a break up, as this will only do you good.

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